march madness

Sometimes I wish I didn’t get sucked into March Madness. Sheepishly, I admitted to my uncle that if UNC lost, I could get on with my life. The NCAA Tournament is so much fun, but I can’t justify the time I spend watching the games. Except for the fact, you can talk to everybody else that’s gotten sucked in with you. And, it’s a bonding experience with whomever you’re watching it with. I expend far too much energy and emotion for something that has absolutely nothing to do with me. A Canadian friend asked me, “Why do Americans say ‘we’ when they refer to sports teams they don’t belong to?” I think she was commenting on my “we” in reference to the Tar Heels. Speaking from my experience, I told her I say we because when I’m talking about the basketball team as an extension of UNC, where I’m an alum and a lot of my family and friends are alum. But, she has a point.

My uncle, who I’m watching the Carolina games with, commented on being too wrapped up in the games. Really, when I’m being rational, what does it matter? But, it does. In our jaded culture, millions of people care about these games and 20 year old guys. Our team allegiance is fun and provides conversation and comraderie. Some of these boys are going to have a game of a lifetime; David will best Goliath at least once every tournament. Only curmudgeons weren’t pulling for Davidson. Anything goes. This tournament provides an excitement professional sports can’t; professional sports are a bunch of Hessian soldiers– it’s hard to get passionate about mercenaries.

March Madness is a time to reconnect with college friends: TAR and C-A-R-O-L-I-N-A are in emails and Facebook pages. And a friend who went to Washington State wrote me after the game. Duke winning by one point the first game and losing the second one. Ha. It’s crazy, but it’s fun. And, the bracket pools.

What’s not to love?

Go Heels!!

rambunctious

“You know what your problem is: you’re rambunctious– you’re too rambunctious for them!” J said. Then he softened the blow, “It’s my problem too.”

In my vocabulary, “rambunctious” is allocated for three-year-old boys. But, I see his point. I am unruly and have high levels of exuberance, and so does he. That’s why we’re friends. Some people consider us over the top; of course, we consider them boring.

J demanded, “You first. What are you doing these days?”

“I… I’m busy being frustrated and depressed,” I answered.

He laughed then said, “It’s not a real laugh, just a ‘I’m with you’ laugh.”

Then I tattled on every HR slime and guy; he tattled too. We compared notes and bested each other’s tales of woe.

Gawd, I miss having friends in the same time zone! A person to spill my splean to. I could rant as rambunctiously as needed. It was cathartic to talk with someone who knows me outside my present situation; someone to encourage and nudge me. Someone who doesn’t make me feel judged or patronized. Life isn’t a sentence to solitary confinement.

We became close friends in our Early Monasticism Seminar. Not many people can muster up our enthusiasm for the desert abbas and ammas. Today, we discussed despair being a demon. J chatted about how the monks prayed while they gardened; they prayed when they wove; they prayed when they cooked. He continued about how Evangelicals consider prayer outside of action; we pray with our heads bowed. He thinks that the abbas had it right. I found his winsome observation compelling.

And the rambunctious quotation of the conversation belonged to J: “When I think about Satan with his shit-eating grin…”

After every phone call with this guy, I end up with to-do list which he sets up for me by level of priority. I have one now. The clock ticks.

“The Law That Marries All Things”

Off the top of my head, my favorite parts of being southern are: Walker Percy’s novels, Wendell Berry’s poetry, Flannery O’Connor’s essays, Eudora Welty’s stories, Carson McCuller’s melancholia. Perhaps, a person need not be southern to appreciate these magnificent writers, but I’m hard pressed to imagine a life-long New Yorker interact with this poem’s truth as a farmer would.

Like introducing a new beau to your friends, loaning a loved book is scary but exhilirating. Wendell Berry’s poetry gives as much pleasure as sipping bourbon and discussing life, literature and love with a lifelong friend. Enjoy:

The Law That Marries All Things

1.
The cloud is free only
to go with the wind.

The rain is free
only in falling.

The water is free only
in its gathering together,

in its downward courses,
in its rising into the air.

2.
In law is rest
if you love the law,
if you enter, singing, into it
as water in its descent.

3.
Or song is truest law,
and you must enter singing;
it has no other entrance.

It is the great chorus
of parts. The only outlawry
is in division.

4.
Whatever is singing
is found, awaiting the return
of whatever is lost.

5.
Meet us in the air
over the water,
sing the swallows.

Meet me, meet me,
the redbird sings,
here here here here.

– Wendell Berry

unfortunate

Yesterday, I ran through Queens University campus; twas a lovely run. Never before have I noticed that the Lifelong Learning Center is housed in the Withers Building. I stopped at the water fountain across from the Wither’s Lifelong Learning Center, thinking, “I’m missing something.” Is it a joke? Or, is it just one of those bizarre juxtapositions that guarantees that life will always be stranger than fiction?

punny stuff

Some people consider puns the lowest form of humor. I received these nineteen from my sister.

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says “A beer please, and one for the road.”

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”

7. “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.” “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” Well, “It’s Not Unusual.”

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” says Dolly. “It’s true; no bull!” exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.

11. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!”

12. I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel.

13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

16. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lo bby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. “But why,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

17. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

18. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it’s good)…. A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

19. And finally, there was the person who sent nineteen different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

May 6th: NC Democratic Primary

Who knew North Carolina’s primary would be important? NC is second only to Pennsylvania in number of delegates. Here’s an interesting article on the subject and the history and contours of NC voting.

i choose; i’m a chooser

I’m qualified for lateral entry in three subjects. The lady who helped me was as helpful as the rulebook would allow. I know I’m a beggar, but I am still not interested. Finding a job and dating are twins– the only difference is that staying single is an option whereas staying vastly underemployed is not. My mom reminds me that I consider teaching an aspect of education; in reality, it’s a part of the schooling industry. Education and schooling are not twins. My b-school sister reminds that neither I nor my skills are marketable. It’s awesome being me. Rah, rah, me. Obviously, the answer lies in contracting terminal cancer and a quick death after getting my picture taken with Goofy.

I think this will be my last vocational post since the subject matter is, at best, dismal; the only subject more pathetic would be romance, which I steer clear from with noted prudence. I’m creative but the material is too unwieldy even for me. Next post will be on running or reading or something equally cheery. I promise.

salve for the bleeding soul

There are two nearby trail races:

A 10k on April 12th.

And, a half marathon on a trail on May 3rd.

Anybody in my vast readership game?

therapy

Last night one of my twice a week clients cancelled at least until the summer. Then, I was woken up by a perky individual setting up an interview for a job I’m anything but enthused about. She told me that they’d “evaluated” my transcript and were prepared to interview me. It’s one bush league operation: they lost my master’s transcript, she had my undergrad transcript from Charlotte– which concerned me since I didn’t go to Charlotte, and she did the Matlock call-back to tell me that they didn’t have my other transcript, which they had lost. At least I won’t be nervous for the interview. On the phone today, my sister reminded me not to burn any bridges. I am proving that beggars can be choosers.

Of course, I didn’t do breathing exercises or give myself a rousing motivational speech in the mirror or anything remotely positive. (At least I didn’t drink any hard liquor before noon.) Instead, I’ve only eaten craptastic food all day: I’ve scavenged on peanut M&Ms, which have 4 grams of protein per serving, and jelly beans, which have nothing remotely nutritional about them. My fantastic food choices no doubt improved the situation. I’ll probably be sick tomorrow. Rock on. Vegetables are for sissies. And, I was snippy all day on the phone, in email, in person– a real bad news bear. I can think of no more apt response to my life right now than cranky depression. Seriously, cheery people are annoying– silver lining, my buttocks.

Just wanted to share the sunshine. I’ll go to the interview, get my hair cut, then maybe go to see a movie before I tutor: maybe that’s what I need.

today’s list of pet peeves

1. jerks

2. jerks who screw me over

3. poor grammar coupled with awkward syntax

4. people telling brides “congratulations” instead of “best wishes”

5. a social vestige that is no longer appropriate: giving gifts to people that have a lot more money than you do, especially when they register with chain stores

6. sloppy diction

7. people who don’t respond to email (with or without good grammar, diction and syntax)

8. the limp answers: “I don’t know” or “I don’t care”

9. Dook fans

10. waiting