excitement galore

I’m gazing at the first gardenia blossom unfurling a petal at a time!  It’s been five years since the giant bush has produced buds, and this year it has over twenty large ones.  The bud is opening from the outside in– there’s an unexpected grace to it. 

Saturday, a friend shared an existential she’d had with a magnolia tree.  While she reveled in the glorious tree and it’s blossom, she felt the beauty of the Lord upon her (to borrow from the celtic book of daily prayer).  She stood there in awe of the perfect blossom, the fragrance, the magnitude of the tree, and she thought that humans with all our ingenuity could not design this. 

More than once I stopped to soak in the mountains, English Bay and the general beauty that’s Vancouver.  Worship effervesced in my soul during sunsets and early mornings.  The beauty and grandeur overwhelmed and humbled me in a satisfactory manner.  I was content in beholding the beauty; my petty annoyances took perspective.  It’s the same with beaches and deserts; the vastness wakes awe in me.

But, the gardenia blossom awakes a different type of awe, wonder and worship.  Noted theologian Oscar Wilde wrote, “God is in the details.” This blossom smells so sweet and clean.  It’s beauty will last a week or two, then it will shrivel up, fall, decompose and feed the soil.  There’s a decadence to this almost disposable beauty.  But, it will come next year.  This delicate, tiny and impermenant beauty declares aspects of the character and name of God that are equal to the statement declared by mountain chains.

I’d about given up on the bush as budless, but the chief stated she wanted to keep it regardless of rather or not it produced buds: it has lovely foliage and had been a Mother’s Day present.  The chief modeled good theology in her patience and appreciation. The five-year dormancy has come to an end!

frame work

To question perspective is postmodern and relevant. A prof described history as an act of interpretation; he often repeated, “History is deciding the center from the margins.” Reading history, it would be easy to believe that there were centuries that women were fewer than five percent of the population. Now historians shift focus to what has been (considered) periphery for millennia– women and other races. The shift is somewhat difficult because the bias is two fold. Historians (mostly white males) have been more interested in white males; there is more evidence and material available about white men to research. I’m a fan of this shift because it provides a more accurate understanding and vivid picture of how things were in the past. This shift in focus does revise history somewhat, but doesn’t rewrite it. It provides additional information and broadens the picture, providing a panoramic view.

The act of interpretation happens in the macrocosm of history and the microcosm of my life. I constantly frame my life when people ask me questions. Two people brought this to my attention: As I chatted with M, he asked me, “What did you do fun this week?” I paused because I was prepared to answer about dreary job interviews and such, but not the parts of my week that filled me with delight. And, then we chatted about a movie and event I went to. He’d seen the movie. M’s question helped me assess how I think about my days and what I ask other people about. I find it’s easy to dwell in the miry pit of despair, but refreshing and rewarding to climb out of it.

Now, it is easy to frame my life in a list of failures and inadequacies. When people ask me what I do, I rarely say: read, write, run, laugh, sew, cook, encourage, play scrabulous. Instead I say I tutor and am looking for full-time employment. When asked about my relationship status, I say single instead of chatting chirpily about all my fabulous friends. However, I have one friend who looks at this segment of my life as if it were a field rife with possibility and space and time to dream and redirect. My natural response to all the rejection is despair, but she prods me to reframe the situation. The economy and government of God is grace and bounty not scarcity. Hope seems to be a flagrant denial of the visible evidence, but it is the framework of faith. I grip an identity so tightly my knuckles are white. I don’t know how to pray or plan in this phase of my life. Dr. Laura says the antidote to despair is purpose; so, I need purpose. Today, there’s a large part of me that thinks my problems would be solved if I were to land a job that I loved and would meet my financial responsibilities. The sane part of me acknowledges this crazy rationale and realizes it is unrealistic and simplistic. God must know that I need a job, money and dignity. I need to learn how to frame my life like the psalmists do. They acknowledge the rawness, brokeness and incompleteness of their life, but always end (sans 88 ) in the ultimate reality of God and his character.

Framing is a life-long process that I’m becoming aware of.

may is for weddings

Ah, I go to a wedding this Saturday and the next. Woohoo. I’ve escaped most of my friends’ weddings by being on the wrong coast or continent. Alas, I’ve no excuse for these. There’s no exorbidant plane ticket to hide behind.

This weekend is with Regent friends; my friend is officiating one of his best friend’s weddings in NC. I’m his “and guest”. It should be interesting: I’m the pastor’s “date”. It should be fun: the reception is at a Vineyard.

The second wedding is my cousin’s. Yay, large family gatherings. There are no “and guests” at this shindig. But, there is an open bar. And, my cousin said it was fine to wear a t-shirt and jeans to his 5:30 wedding. He implied that we were simply getting dressed up because we like to so much. So, I’ll take him up on the jeans.

I’m not excited; they just feel like expensive hassles. That said, I’m sure I’ll have fun.

Emphasis should be placed on anniversary parties over weddings– anybody can fall in love. Staying in love is the trick.

steel sharpens steel

How does one find a job after graduating from a seminary with no job placement services? Especially, when one was considering a PhD, but has found it a financial impossibility and is undecided in her field. One feels overwhelmed and discouraged and laments to friends, and on occasion her friends have useful ideas. If you’re in a similar situation or know somebody who is, here are some websites for positions in ministry (I was not aware of them until today):

www.churchstaffing.com
www.ministrylist.com
www.pastorfind.com

He also said a lot of para church organizations use careerbuilder.com.

When I told him I throw in the towel every other day then go back to retrieve it, he told me that we are like battleships that are impossible to stear when still. We have to be in motion for the Holy Spirit to guide us. (He also told me about two interviews that saying “Holy Spirit” cost him the job.) It’s time like these, that I wish I’d gotten my MBA or JD. Of course, I could always go back and get one. Wouldn’t it be lovely to enjoy and be good at something lucrative.

Maybe this info will help someone.

crappy writing

There were a lot of official and unofficial traditions at my high school. The Washington Post covered some of our unofficial traditions. Of course, it came out after some perky staff member wrote a note to the editor about Mad girls being gamma girls not alpha or beta (i.e., mean girls). But, one of the unofficial traditions was posting your college acceptance and rejection letters. I enjoyed the tradition a lot more as a underclassman. Our headmistress drilled it into us that we would fail more times than we succeeded– that failure is a necessary and productive component of life. Implicit was the concept that there would be some success. The official motto is “Festina lente”. One of the unofficial mottos is “function in disaster. finish in style. remain calm at the center of your being.” Oh, a single success or acceptance would be welcome right now. Not that being kicked continually while one’s down doesn’t have its own satisfactions. In the spirit of the tradition of posting rejection letters, here it goes:

“Thanks for checking in. A couple of us in the newsroom have given
your latest script a careful look and I appreciate your work on revisions. The piece contains some good descriptive and creative writing. However, we still feel that the essay doesn’t establish and “flesh out” a clear theme, in a compelling way. So we’ll need to pass on this submission.

“Thank you again for your interest in providing commentary material to WFKU and you’re welcome to submit a future piece for consideration.”

My favorite part is the modifier, some, before “good descriptive and creative writing”. So, “we” can rule this venue out. C’est la vie. Or, perhaps it would be more funny to inundate them with lots of my craptastic writing. “We”‘ll see.

My idea of a good day is one without any blatant rejection. Call me a weakling.

“the paper”

Thanks to my mom, I’m reading the comics again. She gets a free Gaston Gazette at work; she considers the letters to the editor and the comics worthwhile reading. She collects cut-out cartoons in a manilla folder. I’m not sure what she’s planning to use the treasure trove of humor for, but you never know with Mom.

I found Dilbert hysterical yesterday: the link. It’s about imaginary numbers; it’s awesome. It expresses my feelings on statistics and such.

I turned down an interim teaching position today. It was the right decision, but I still feel queesy about it. Also, I’m miffed at all the work and time I put into the aborted mission. C’est la vie. I’m off to do some “real writing”.

Is anybody involved in Pangea Day tomorrow?

oblivious

My mom has a new favorite cartoon; a king is out on the balcony chatting with his advisors:

Advisor: “Your subjects complain that you’re oblivious to their plight.”

King: “I hadn’t noticed.”

This droll humor describes my life. I chatted on the phone with the principal about compensation; I was too blunt (hard to imagine) but not whiney. He said he’d check with HR and call me back. I didn’t know if he were “checking with HR” or really checking with HR. Whichever the case, I didn’t hear back from him. Of all the emails and calls I sent, two people responded.

oblivious to grammar:
My use of quotation marks reminds me of lunch on Saturday. My sister took me out to RO’s and then Tony’s Ice Cream. RO’s has phenomenal barbeque sandwiches; their slaw is to die for. And, so are their menus: entertaining and creative use of quotation marks abounded. One of my favorites was “new”. What does this mean? Sister and I tried to detect a pattern with the use, but the best we could come up with is that they were used for emphasis much like “the Establishment” uses italics.

just plain oblivious:
The lunch proved quite the adventure, esp. since I found out that my dress was see-through. Sister tells me, “Just pretend like it’s a bathing suit cover.” Older women gave me nasty looks, but what could I do but to stand up straight, suck in my tummy and act “nonchalant”. I was tempted to explain my gaff to the unapproving strangers, but I figured it was easier just to let them think I’m a floozy. So, my wardrobe malfunction will make the redneck lunch one for the annals.

FYI: why I’m oblivious:
Scrabulous IS addictive, and it is a good thing that it doesn’t show up on drug tests.

I’m serious

I declare May 1st a day of writing. (It’s openings like this that make my blog so popular and reader friendly.) Get this– I’m working on pieces about my family, sewing, home and laughter. There’s one word for this blog and my writing in general: sexy. Good luck containing the excitement! I’m gearing for 10 pages of material for my writer’s group I’ve already got six written.

Here’s a finished piece I’ve submitted (it’s a rewrite after talking to the head hauncho). I removed it.

our democratic republic

It’s not enough to vote. A voter needs to educate herself. Checking out the candidate’s websites does not suffice, she needs to find out the candidate’s biography, Voting Record, Issue Positions, Interest Group Ratings, Speeches and Public Statements, Endorsements, Additional Biographical Information and Campaign Finances. This sounds a bit overwhelming.

Voila.

A nonpartisan website has compiled all this information. It’s called Vote Smart.

Are there other websites like this or that complement it well?

my dress

I finished my dress! It’s a teal, semi-fitted, cotton sheath with a bateau neckline that falls just below my knees. I’ve been pressing it, admiring my handiwork. One fine hem line, six equisite darts, one neckline to die for, and the divine zipper with hook and eye. I’ve tried it on three times since 3pm, bought some shoes and am brainstorming about accesories. I’m in love; it was worth the over 20 hours of work.

Next month, I’m thinking I’ll concoct one of black linen. Now I need to perfect my posture to be worthy to wear it. And, I feel immense satisfaction in having a tangible, wearable product. Sewing is hard work but good work.