frame work

To question perspective is postmodern and relevant. A prof described history as an act of interpretation; he often repeated, “History is deciding the center from the margins.” Reading history, it would be easy to believe that there were centuries that women were fewer than five percent of the population. Now historians shift focus to what has been (considered) periphery for millennia– women and other races. The shift is somewhat difficult because the bias is two fold. Historians (mostly white males) have been more interested in white males; there is more evidence and material available about white men to research. I’m a fan of this shift because it provides a more accurate understanding and vivid picture of how things were in the past. This shift in focus does revise history somewhat, but doesn’t rewrite it. It provides additional information and broadens the picture, providing a panoramic view.

The act of interpretation happens in the macrocosm of history and the microcosm of my life. I constantly frame my life when people ask me questions. Two people brought this to my attention: As I chatted with M, he asked me, “What did you do fun this week?” I paused because I was prepared to answer about dreary job interviews and such, but not the parts of my week that filled me with delight. And, then we chatted about a movie and event I went to. He’d seen the movie. M’s question helped me assess how I think about my days and what I ask other people about. I find it’s easy to dwell in the miry pit of despair, but refreshing and rewarding to climb out of it.

Now, it is easy to frame my life in a list of failures and inadequacies. When people ask me what I do, I rarely say: read, write, run, laugh, sew, cook, encourage, play scrabulous. Instead I say I tutor and am looking for full-time employment. When asked about my relationship status, I say single instead of chatting chirpily about all my fabulous friends. However, I have one friend who looks at this segment of my life as if it were a field rife with possibility and space and time to dream and redirect. My natural response to all the rejection is despair, but she prods me to reframe the situation. The economy and government of God is grace and bounty not scarcity. Hope seems to be a flagrant denial of the visible evidence, but it is the framework of faith. I grip an identity so tightly my knuckles are white. I don’t know how to pray or plan in this phase of my life. Dr. Laura says the antidote to despair is purpose; so, I need purpose. Today, there’s a large part of me that thinks my problems would be solved if I were to land a job that I loved and would meet my financial responsibilities. The sane part of me acknowledges this crazy rationale and realizes it is unrealistic and simplistic. God must know that I need a job, money and dignity. I need to learn how to frame my life like the psalmists do. They acknowledge the rawness, brokeness and incompleteness of their life, but always end (sans 88 ) in the ultimate reality of God and his character.

Framing is a life-long process that I’m becoming aware of.

Published in: on May 19, 2008 at 3:07 am Leave a Comment
Tags: , , ,

may is for weddings

Ah, I go to a wedding this Saturday and the next. Woohoo. I’ve escaped most of my friends’ weddings by being on the wrong coast or continent. Alas, I’ve no excuse for these. There’s no exorbidant plane ticket to hide behind.

This weekend is with Regent friends; my friend is officiating one of his best friend’s weddings in NC. I’m his “and guest”. It should be interesting: I’m the pastor’s “date”. It should be fun: the reception is at a Vineyard.

The second wedding is my cousin’s. Yay, large family gatherings. There are no “and guests” at this shindig. But, there is an open bar. And, my cousin said it was fine to wear a t-shirt and jeans to his 5:30 wedding. He implied that we were simply getting dressed up because we like to so much. So, I’ll take him up on the jeans.

I’m not excited; they just feel like expensive hassles. That said, I’m sure I’ll have fun.

Emphasis should be placed on anniversary parties over weddings– anybody can fall in love. Staying in love is the trick.

Published in: on May 15, 2008 at 3:43 am Comments (2)
Tags:

steel sharpens steel

How does one find a job after graduating from a seminary with no job placement services? Especially, when one was considering a PhD, but has found it a financial impossibility and is undecided in her field. One feels overwhelmed and discouraged and laments to friends, and on occasion her friends have useful ideas. If you’re in a similar situation or know somebody who is, here are some websites for positions in ministry (I was not aware of them until today):

www.churchstaffing.com
www.ministrylist.com
www.pastorfind.com

He also said a lot of para church organizations use careerbuilder.com.

When I told him I throw in the towel every other day then go back to retrieve it, he told me that we are like battleships that are impossible to stear when still. We have to be in motion for the Holy Spirit to guide us. (He also told me about two interviews that saying “Holy Spirit” cost him the job.) It’s time like these, that I wish I’d gotten my MBA or JD. Of course, I could always go back and get one. Wouldn’t it be lovely to enjoy and be good at something lucrative.

Maybe this info will help someone.

Published in: on May 13, 2008 at 5:20 pm Leave a Comment
Tags: , ,

crappy writing

There were a lot of official and unofficial traditions at my high school. The Washington Post covered some of our unofficial traditions. Of course, it came out after some perky staff member wrote a note to the editor about Mad girls being gamma girls not alpha or beta (i.e., mean girls). But, one of the unofficial traditions was posting your college acceptance and rejection letters. I enjoyed the tradition a lot more as a underclassman. Our headmistress drilled it into us that we would fail more times than we succeeded– that failure is a necessary and productive component of life. Implicit was the concept that there would be some success. The official motto is “Festina lente”. One of the unofficial mottos is “function in disaster. finish in style. remain calm at the center of your being.” Oh, a single success or acceptance would be welcome right now. Not that being kicked continually while one’s down doesn’t have its own satisfactions. In the spirit of the tradition of posting rejection letters, here it goes:

“Thanks for checking in. A couple of us in the newsroom have given
your latest script a careful look and I appreciate your work on revisions. The piece contains some good descriptive and creative writing. However, we still feel that the essay doesn’t establish and “flesh out” a clear theme, in a compelling way. So we’ll need to pass on this submission.

“Thank you again for your interest in providing commentary material to WFKU and you’re welcome to submit a future piece for consideration.”

My favorite part is the modifier, some, before “good descriptive and creative writing”. So, “we” can rule this venue out. C’est la vie. Or, perhaps it would be more funny to inundate them with lots of my craptastic writing. “We”‘ll see.

My idea of a good day is one without any blatant rejection. Call me a weakling.

Published in: on May 12, 2008 at 7:34 pm Comments (1)
Tags: , ,

“the paper”

Thanks to my mom, I’m reading the comics again. She gets a free Gaston Gazette at work; she considers the letters to the editor and the comics worthwhile reading. She collects cut-out cartoons in a manilla folder. I’m not sure what she’s planning to use the treasure trove of humor for, but you never know with Mom.

I found Dilbert hysterical yesterday: the link. It’s about imaginary numbers; it’s awesome. It expresses my feelings on statistics and such.

I turned down an interim teaching position today. It was the right decision, but I still feel queesy about it. Also, I’m miffed at all the work and time I put into the aborted mission. C’est la vie. I’m off to do some “real writing”.

Is anybody involved in Pangea Day tomorrow?

Published in: on May 9, 2008 at 8:33 pm Leave a Comment
Tags: , ,

“home”

Faithful readers have read that I’ve embarked on a piece about home. It’s the art assignment at W242 this month. (Lately, it’s occurred to me that I could write about subjects that interest other people. “I” and “me” have their limitations in scope.) As I was prewriting, I got overwhelmed by all the ideas and angles, gazillions of images. So, I decided to look up “home” in the American Heritage Dictionary. “Home” can be used as a noun, adjective, adverb and transitive and intransitive verb. There were ten definitions under noun alone. And, the idiom list wasn’t shabby either. If you’re ever bored, look up “home”. Definitions four and seven are my favorite:
“4. a. an environment offering security and happiness
b. a valued place regarded as a refuge or place of origin….
7. the place where something is discovered, founded, developed or promoted; source”

Now, I’m intrigued with the last couple books of the Odyssey when Odysseus finally comes home (and the three lines that reverses everything), Sappho’s Fragment 16, the Psalmist references to God as home in 90 and 119 (I think), the Logos and I AM (God as verb). Home is a verb? Our hearts are restless until they rest in thee? Jesus: home comes to you? Ah, the connection between the tangible and eternal sneaks it way in. And, I’m reading Balthasar’s Prayer, which celebrates messy and complex. Yippy, yie, yay.

Published in: on May 8, 2008 at 3:28 am Leave a Comment

oblivious

My mom has a new favorite cartoon; a king is out on the balcony chatting with his advisors:

Advisor: “Your subjects complain that you’re oblivious to their plight.”

King: “I hadn’t noticed.”

This droll humor describes my life. I chatted on the phone with the principal about compensation; I was too blunt (hard to imagine) but not whiney. He said he’d check with HR and call me back. I didn’t know if he were “checking with HR” or really checking with HR. Whichever the case, I didn’t hear back from him. Of all the emails and calls I sent, two people responded.

oblivious to grammar:
My use of quotation marks reminds me of lunch on Saturday. My sister took me out to RO’s and then Tony’s Ice Cream. RO’s has phenomenal barbeque sandwiches; their slaw is to die for. And, so are their menus: entertaining and creative use of quotation marks abounded. One of my favorites was “new”. What does this mean? Sister and I tried to detect a pattern with the use, but the best we could come up with is that they were used for emphasis much like “the Establishment” uses italics.

just plain oblivious:
The lunch proved quite the adventure, esp. since I found out that my dress was see-through. Sister tells me, “Just pretend like it’s a bathing suit cover.” Older women gave me nasty looks, but what could I do but to stand up straight, suck in my tummy and act “nonchalant”. I was tempted to explain my gaff to the unapproving strangers, but I figured it was easier just to let them think I’m a floozy. So, my wardrobe malfunction will make the redneck lunch one for the annals.

FYI: why I’m oblivious:
Scrabulous IS addictive, and it is a good thing that it doesn’t show up on drug tests.

fated to pretend

fated to pretend by mgmt is my new favorite song. ah, perky social commentary– who isn’t a fan?

Published in: on May 7, 2008 at 2:26 pm Leave a Comment

so

Desolation: I haven’t kept my word about no whinney posts about the job quest that seems more about the journey than the destination. I was offered today’s job, but am not sure I’ll take it. Complications were mentioned that hadn’t been mentioned in previous chats. I need to negotiate salary because I’ll resent being taking advantage of. So, the principal will probably laugh, and I’ll bid adieu. You have to be willing to walk away in successful negotiations– so I hear. And, here I was last night, thinking that things might work out (pardon the pun). Silly me.

Consolation: I had a lovely time with the best writing princesses in the world late this afternoon. It was a fun reprieve. And, a delightful run. So delightful, I’ll probably hit the pavement again tonight. Anna Karenina is good.

I haven’t heard from my writing project. I haven’t heard from any of the temp agencies.

Barrack Obama is a brilliant rhetorician. Good luck carrying NC in the general election. Was Carter the last Democrat to carry the state?

Published in: on at 1:23 am Leave a Comment

tastey morsels

Book reviews: Dan Ariely’s Predictably Irrational is a fascinating read. I’m interested to read more about behavioral economics. Who knew MIT profs could be so entertaining?

I’m dying to read Carol Platt Liebau’s Prude. It should be good. Liebau is covering the presidential election for Town Hall; her observations and interpretations give a reader additional fodder.

Jack London’s White Fang is really good.

I had a good interview and a bad interview today. My EQ is nothing to brag about, but, yikes, that interview was uncomfortable in every sense. Every question I asked the more convinced I became that the school is not for me. During the dean’s questioning of me I was thinking, you called me not vice versa. But, I spoke with a local principal about an interim position that will lead into a position for next year in Social Studies and Language Arts, which I’m qualified in both.

I’m to page 300 in Anna Karenina– this is my fartherest yet. Keep on… keep on.

I wrote today but got overwhelmed by all the ideas swimming with much vigor in my head.

I got a hilarious birthday card with a barnes and noble gift card. Mom said, “M sure does know you.”

The primary is tomorrow.

Published in: on May 6, 2008 at 2:39 am Leave a Comment